Sexual Liberation of the Chinese… or… Little Masturbators.

I’m not talking five finger shuffles at the local take-away, I’m talking about the number of hits my blog as received recently from a Chinese search engine… all having the keywords Dogging, porn or sex.

I’m always surprised by the number of people who read this rubbish, Spaces are only supposed to be read by your stalker and I know its mostly my own fault for winding up the dirty mac brigade in previous blogs but over a hundred pervy hits a month from the one country is quite disturbing.

I remember hearing somewhere that the Chinese are restricted to one child per couple but surely they realise that doesn’t mean one shag per lifetime, surely they know they can screw their missus wearing a condom and don’t have to wash their sausage so vigorously all the time.  What is really disturbing is they don’t seem to go limp when they load my space and find out that it’s a piss-take, they just read more entries!  Are they really so devoid of sexual titillation they can hand shuffle over Bird Flu?

I sense a great business opportunity for someone less lazy than myself… selling midget porn to china, or for a extra £50… normal porn and a step ladder for if they have the urge to screw a European doll after watching. Maybe some canny entrepreneur could offer the Chinese creamers the whole package, for a ‘Deluxe DIY Kit’ containing a dvd of Debbie does Doncaster, Step ladder and blow up doll of some minging Barnsley babe complete with scabs and lice.  £200 sounds reasonable + P&P.

(It would be very childish of me to mention lice and crack a joke about flied lice and curry sauce so I’ll put it in brackets here as if I’m an adult pointing out the errors of a naughty schoolboys humour, it also allows me to point out that tits, top bollox and Russell Brand isn’t funny either).  Actually after 2 seconds of shallow consideration Russell Brand really isn’t funny.

Hmm, now I’m thinking about the Chinese at their computers.  How many of them actually own one?  How many are pleasuring themselves in libraries and at work?  Are their offices open plan? Do their colleagues cover their tea cups or do they simply drink up before curdling if they hear a ‘splash/plunk’ and suddenly have coffee with cream.

I did Promise myself that I would stop writing about sexual stuff but if I’m honest I find most other subjects boring and it does stop my local vicar asking me to contribute to the Parish magazine.  Perhaps next time I’ll have a go at doing a blog entry about gardening or cake decorating but if the Womens Institute find it interesting I’ll be seriously pissed off.

If you are observant, or my stalker, you may have noticed that I now have a friends list, I suspect it is just to promote the band ‘The Quarter’ and I’m happy to help if it means I don’t have to listen to X-Factor shite, so go and look at their site and have a listen to their music.

Feel free to join my friends list if you wish but please consider first all the crap I write on here… do you really wanna be associated with it? And what about the Chinese, do you want them to find you?